the green-eyed monster

today was just one of those days when the green eyed monster got the better of me. when i was on the subway today all i noticed were mothers with little children. some of the cutest little children. it made me so sad. im in a dating drought and these women have little children. yes, i know that life isnt fair. since the new york subways have such a diverse ridership, i would venture to say that quite a few were unmarried moms. the green eyed monster reared her ugly head nonetheless. i know that life isnt fair, but sometimes its hard to deal.

sound memories

a few years ago i was walking down the stairs at the 34th street subway station when i heard a familiar voice. i looked around for the familiar face to match. the face wasnt familiar , but then i realised whose voice it was. it was the voice of my old college friend, now thirty-something -wife-and mother. of course we chatted and when she asked me if it was her distinct voice that made me recognize her i could not deny it. had it not been for her voice i would have walked right past her.
recently i was in my dermatologist's waiting room , when two sixty-somethings realized they had been friends years ago and as a result reconnected. they didnt recognize each other by face, but when they started chatting in the waiting room they realized their voices sounded familiar to one another . once they exchanged names, they realized they had been friends 20 years ago.
i have a friend who had gastric bypass surgery. when i first saw her after the surgery i could hardly believe it was really her. but when i concentrated on her voice i realized she was the same person as before her surgery.

what if...

often people like to wonder what would have happened had one made different choices. like lets say if i had chosen to marry one of my past boyfriends instead of having remained single.
well.... in the case of... let call him felix... its just as well i didnt choose to marry him. if i would have married felix, i would now be a widow. i found out a few years ago that felix died. and yes.. i do have to say im glad i didnt decide to marry felix. its funny , because for several years after we broke up i wondered whether i we had made the right decision to call it quits. well.... now i know i did make the right decision.
i wouldnt say that i would never want to try again with any ex , its just that sometimes the past is best remaining just that. and though one doesnt know at the time why one might have come to a certain conclusion, sometimes one finds out later down the road that the decision was more correct than one had ever imagined.

anti-biker

one of my most un-favorite part of the summertime are bicycles. ive seen too many people get run over by non-observant riders. the worst offenders are frum teen-age boys. they ride past me with their heads turned away. now if one is just walking down the street, this may be ok , it is not ok while atop a bicycle. i personally think that if one cant look straight ahead while riding a bike, one should not be riding one. end of story.

REJECTS

i joined jdate and frumster a few years ago. back then i actually didnt mind when guys wrote me back that they weren't interested when i initiated contact with them. around that time my friend nancy mentioned that she found it disappointing when she received these types of rejection notices and that she didnt see the point of them. after all, if they dont write you back you kind of figure it out anyway, and you dont have to hear it directly. and you know what? nancy was right.
the other fun fact that i have found, is if i dont send a rejection notice to a guy i find slightly creepy and then he sends me hate mail because i had the nerve not to sent him a rejection letter, it was the best thing i could have done. you see, when he first contacted me i just wasnt interested, but when someone sends me hate mail, i know that he is psycho and has abandonment issues, and good riddance to him!
last year a man almost 20 yrs older than me who lived on the other side of the united states contacted me on one of the dating websites. i just thought it was a bit of a joke on his part to contact me anyway, because of the huge age difference as well as the fact that even if he had been younger, he was geographically undesirable. so i didnt respond. i had thought about sending him a rejection notice, but i was lazy and i didnt get around to it. also, i figured he'd figure it out by my not writing him back. anyway, months letter he writes me a really long letter . i think he was trying to analyse me (alot of people who actually are in therapy do this) but im not really sure. i deleted after the first sentence. anyway, im REALLY glad i wasnt interested. this idiot sent a nasty LETTER which i could have posted all over the internet and in every jewish paper, WITH his profile photo. but of course, i didnt care enough about him to do so.
a note from a member of a dating website is just that! its just a note! its not a date.
in the movie somethings got to give with jack nicholson and diane keaton, jack asks diane if she wants to go for a walk on the beach. she wasnt so sure. and he said to her "its just a walk on the beach . its not a marriage proposal!! "
when someone initiates contact with someone else on a dating website its JUST a note. its not a marriage proposal or even a date. yes, its mentschlach to write a them a rejection notice back, but if one doesnt its not the end of the world. actually , if im on the fence about whether im interested or not, i wait awhile before responding. if he sends me a nasty note about my not responding, i know he's not for me.

happy father's day

happy fathers day to all of you fathers out there. fathers day is always overshadowed by mothers day. i wonder why that is . anyway, just to make sure all of the fathers out there dont feel slighted, im wishing everyone a happy fathers day. and actually, since i believe that mothers day and fathers day are days to honor parents regardless of whether or not one is a parent i wish everyone a happy fathers day.

happy feet

as every good new yorker, i walk everywhere. when one walks everywhere one realizes one must have comfortable shoes. they need to be comfortable, but not anti-fashion. not being a fan of sneakers, my quest has been for a foot-friendly-yet cute shoe . the most comfortable-yet-cute shoes i have ever bought are from merrell. ecco shoes are a close second. the most comfortable sandals, although more on the sporty side , are tevah sandals. the soles of tevah sandals are made from actual tires. the most comfortable boots, though not the most durable, are by la canadienne . all of these brands show up in lower prices at dsw.
unfortunately my shoe research was spawned as a result of major foot pain . however , wearing a well made shoe might not always do the trick. sometimes its necessary to suck it up and go to a podiatrist and get custom made orthotics that can fit in regular shoes as well as sneakers.
foot pain sucks and as a new yorker one is always on one's feet. this is why i share this knowledge. if perhaps i can help restore effortless stepping for even one individual, this post will have been worthwhile.

so much for technology

in the old days calls after 9pm on one's regular phone were cheaper than those made before 9pm. one summer i had a roommate and we shared a phone. big mistake. she was a real penny pincher and would freak when i would make calls before 9pm. i found it ridiculous because when one is sharing a phone and then has a limited amount of hours per night to make a call, it becomes ridiculous.
flash back to the future... landlines have unlimited call plans so it doesnt matter what time of the day one is chatting. the catch these days is cell phones... many have ditched their land lines and now have cell phones with finite minutes before 9pm....
on the plus side, this time around i dont have roommates. i have kept my land line . i guess im old fashioned that way. this way i have a lower cell phone bill because i dont need as many anytime minutes.
the thing is, if i even have a shot at getting enough zzzz's i try not to speak on the phone after 9pm.
so much for technology!!

cartoon heaven!!!

perhaps mad magazine rigged the presidential primaries this time around. both candidates already appear incredibly cartoonish!! mcain looks like the face on an old west wanted dead or alive parody and obama looks like a cartoon for alka seltzer. he perpetually has that gassy smile plastered across his face. too bad im not a cartoonist, because i would have so much fun sketching these two characters.
hilary clinton and john edwards did not look cartoonish. this my friends is why neither won the democratic primary.
remember folks... you heard it here first!!

tequila and salt

i recently received a really cute e-mail with alot of great lines. it made me feel good , so i've decided to include it in this post. here goes:

1. there are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. at least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. the only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. a smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they dont like you.
5. every night SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. you mean the world to someone.
7. you are special and unique.
8. someone that you dont even know exists loves you.
9. when you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. when you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. always remember the compliments you received. forget about the rude remarks.
12. good friends are like stars....you dont always see them, but you know they are always there.

enjoy !

diet coke anyone?

when a pretty girl walks by many heads turn. well i have to say , when a really hot guy walks by, many heads turn as well. recently a product rep from some company that deals with the company i work for came in to my office on dress casual day. let me tell you... i work in an office full of primarily young single women and everyone's head turned when mr casual dress day came in . it was a case of animal magnetism karma. mr. casual monday was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that encased his bulging muscles. very hot!!! everyone in the office couldnt help but look . no one could look away. and the thing is, this mr casually dressed product rep is one of the nicest guys . even before i saw him in his muscle -baring - hunk t-shirt i thought he was amazing. and now..... well... even more so...
men gawk at pretty women, women gawk at mega-muscled men and its all just a case of animal magnetism!!!

i hate weddings

one of my favorite sex and the city episodes was when carrie's shoes were stolen at her friend's apartment when she had to remove them and then she made a registry for herself for her friend to buy her a pair of shoes to replace those that were stolen from her friend's apartment.
i know that if i were married i wouldnt dislike weddings so much, but im not married and as it stands now im finding it hard to imagine it ever happening.
actually, if i ever do find someone to marry , i think that i will skip the big wedding thing. a big wedding is for when one is in one's twenties . i have a friend who got married last year and she was in her mid-thirties. it just wasnt the same as a wedding for someone in their twenties. it didnt seem as joyous, which when i think about it this is quite an odd thought. my mid-thirtysomething friend had more to be happy about at her wedding than some giggly 20 yr old, and yet i felt that the wedding was a boring waste of time. and yes, i do think that my friend is happy. her husband truly seems like one of the good ones. its just that by the time she got married, a wedding isnt the event it used to be to her friends. this is why i would like to get married, but not have a wedding. what for?
also, i know that weddings make people cry. especially single people. it makes them realize how very single they are. look, im very optimistic that every single reader of my blog will one day get married, its just that weddings dont make me have any more or less hope for my own predicament. at a wedding, i think,"good for them" but it doesnt really do anything for my own emunah.
also, a wedding is just alot of hoopla for a friend who might not actually ever speak to me once he or she is married. again, im happy for them, just not as happy as charlotte york might be.
because of my own ambivalence about weddings, i dont want to put others through this either.
i know that i sound really negative, but i think that most singles feel this way, its just that they would never admit it.
happy june, the official kickoff of wedding season?!?

the solace of solitude.

though i consider myself a social person, i must say that i enjoy spending time alone. sometimes i prefer to go to a museum or a movie by myself, or even have a shabbos meal by myself. sometimes i feel like im running and rushing so much that i never get a chance to catch my breath. thus i enjoy spending some quality alone time to catch my breath and regain my equilibrium.
i dont think that i could go on vacation totally by myself, even though i know friends who have . i could go on a tour even if i didnt initially know anyone. i dont think that would count as going on vacation alone.
im not really the type who likes to sit home alone on a saturday night, its just that i do enjoy the pleasure of my own company every so often.
i think that its important to be able to be comfortable alone and not be afraid of being alone. this way when one is with others one is with them because one wants their company and not just because one can't be solo.