years ago i when i was at my very thinnest i had a blind date with a very obese guy. unfortunately i was too shallow to have a second date with him . he did happen to be a really great guy, but i wasnt able to get past the externals. i tried to set him up with a friend of mine who was on the heavy side. my friend declined and said she didnt plan on dating until she was skinny.
i would have understood if my friend would have declined the date because she may have thought that the only reason i had thought of him for her was because they were both overweight. it wasnt , but i could understand why she might have thought so.
i could not understand why my friend did not want to date until she was thinner. granted, i have b"h , never been as heavy as my friend was, but i do know that ugly people get married and nasty people get married and so do obese people. some people, no matter how hard they try will never be thin. they still deserve love in their lives. i have plenty of friends who lost weight to hook a man and arent too svelte now. i wonder what their skinny idealizing husbands think now?
i think that its best for all of us to take care of ourselves and try to maintain a healthy weight, but its important to find someone who will love us for who we are even if we arent as thin as paris hilton. (or as blonde) . i do know guys who are not so particular about weight and they prefer women with extra pounds on them over an anorexic prototype.
i had a friend in college who was severely obese who married a thin guy who fell in love with her and had always dated big women. in fact he preferred big women because his mom was a big woman, and that was the type of woman he liked. they got married and i know they at least have one child.
anyway, if you dont date because you think you are fat, you will probably eat more because you are so depressed and it can become a vicious cycle. there is always some flaw that makes a person feel vulnerable- weight, age , bad skin, height, hair, but there is someone out there who will love you for who you are. and if they dont , they arent worth it . we should all strive to be the best we can be, but in the end we are all human and one doesnt have to be "perfect" to be lovable.
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I'm not sure what I think of this, FF. If you or someone else is really not attracted to big guys/gals, there may not be much you can do about it. People have types. I know I do (not that I'm dating now, of course :^), but the guy I'm engaged to fits pretty perfectly into my type.
In terms of the dating question, I agree that putting off dating for any significant amount of time is silly, as is starving yourself to land a husband. But if a person is so self-conscious about her weight that she thinks every guy she dates is obsessed with and disapproving of her weight, that could seriously hinder her success in potential relationships. Whom is she serving by dating when she feels like that?
and one doesnt have to be "perfect" to be lovable.
And "perfection" is in the eye of the beholder.
People have types.
But far too often, those types are informed by media stereotyping they've absorbed, such as women being unhealthily skinny, and that's a shame.
Problem with skinny women, can't find clothes. Symms doesn't have much of a selection for size 4 and below.
katrina , i had a reason for writing this post. i met someone recently who said she doesnt plan on dating until she is thinner and i thought that this was really sad. yes, she may be able to be thinner, but the reality is she may never be thin. i think that its much better to have self-confidence and worry alot less about weight.
dys- my point exactly. beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and thankfully everyone doesnt hold by the same definition .
moshe- it IS very hard to find a size 4 or smaller. im not a size 4 at the moment, but i have been. size 12 is the easiest size to find because its considered the average size most women are.
and no, i dont wear a size 12 either. im somewhere between a size 4 and a size 12, closer to a size 4 than a size 12.
of course not many pity someone who is a size 4 or smaller who has a hard time finding clothes. thing is, when one is five feet tall and a size 4 its a different size 4 than someone who is five feet ten and a size 4. sizes are all relative.
5' 10" and size 4 may not be very healthy and size 2 is definitely not. With the recent winds, 5' 10" + size 2 + umbrella = "Look at me! I'm Mary Poppins! Woohoo! TREE!!!"
true, 5 ft 10 and size 4 or 2 is anorexic or 12years old.
Hear, hear!
Thanks for posting this.
I really do think that the most important thing for dating is being comfortable in one's own skin and one's own person, regardless of weight or bad skin or whatever. I am working hard on that (as a woman who is 5'8" and a size 16, but could maybe be as small as a size 12 with a lot of hard work).
Curvy, round, voluptuous...however you want to call it, I've got more than enough to go around. ;) Truth is I'm trying to lose weight for health reasons, and to be able to conceive - my weight is not healthy at the moment. But it didn't stop me from dating, meeting, and marrying the man of my dreams (at 20 yrs old, btw) who loves every inch of me - a 6' cutie who's entering med school in the fall.
Ladies, you don't have be a size 4 to be happily married. Be healthy, be positive, and get yourself out there, cause men like all kinds of gals.
Very true. The more important qualities are a positive attitude and a sense of humor. A hot shrew is maybe worth it while she's hot. After she's not, that marriage is gonna have problems.
Join Tora Dojo, gonna help you lose weight and gonna help you conceive too. We didn't have kids for 6 years. Finally had out first. After, started going to Tora Dojo. 2 years after giving birth wife went off birth control and became preggars immediately, the month she went off.
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