Sunday, October 13, 2013


     I always love listening to friends who are no longer frum talk about what they prefer about the frum world. Usually its quite telling as to why they left frumkeit. I have one friend who went the Lubavitch route but decided it was not for her. The restrictions of being shomer shabbat were too much for her ,but she still liked the concept of the rebbe. Another friend had been modern orthodox, but after years of remaining single watching her friends marry and have kids she decided  not to be frum anymore. When eventually she did have a child she debated over what school to send them to. She would say she could not justify sending her kid to a modern orthodox school,, but a more black hat type she could. Meanwhile her kid remains in public school. Nothing like that all or nothing attitude. My friend could have easily returned to being modern orthodox, but would never have been able to swing charedi so she figured she'd do neither. I think that many think that idealism is best done from afar. When it comes to appying ideals to one's life its another story.


tesyaa said...

As I commented on the Maryles blog, I don't think it's idealism. It's admiration for a very specific, self-contained aspect of a lifestyle. It doesn't mean that the person really wants to be chareidi. And it certainly doesn't mean they want to become or return to modern Orthodoxy.

Mighty Garnel Ironheart said...

You've pointed out the one big failing of Modern Orthodoxy: it continues to be seen, and to see itself, as a junior cousin to Chareidism. Imagine all those people disillusioned by Chareidism who go totally OTD. Why? Because they value authenticity. If they can't be authentically religious then they're be authentically secular, even if there are lots of aspects of Judaism they still like. And if you ask them why they didn't simply become Modern Orthodox to combine their desire for, let's say, rationality with religious practice they'll say they're either going to do the "real thing" or nothing at all.

frum single female said...

MGH - To be honest with you I use labels because it makes things clearer but I grew up in the midwest where if you were shomer shabbat you were charedi. I really think that Judaism is more on a continuum than different movements or labels . I have frequented modern orthodox circles, yeshivish circles and chabad circles and to be honest with you they are not much different, its just where you feel most comfortable and the dress code may vary, but even the most modern orhtodox know what the rules are they just are at the place that they are but they all know what the rules really are. I think chasidim like bobov or satmar are more different but I don't know enough about them from the inside to make a judgement.
I dont think that yeshivish people are more authentically religious than I am , they just dress a little differently than I do .