October 30

     Today my dad would have been 77 years old. It is so weird to say that number because he only lived to be 74. With the hurricane and all of the destruction I almost forgot that I had one less birthday card to send this year.  Again.
      Death is weird. When I used to hear people say that when loved ones pass on they don't really die, that  they become part of you I always thought it was a cliche. Now I know its true. They may not be alive but they are alive in your thoughts and memories . Its sad but on the other hand its kind of nice. You can choose how you want to remember them . You don't have to remember what you would prefer to forget. Its too bad one can't do this while people are alive. Or can we?
     Sometimes when people pass away you gain another perspective about who they were when they were alive when its not clouded by the day to day stupidity that can go on. Its unfortunate that sometimes one does not always appreciate someone until they are not around anymore.
    The thing is we can all say we will try to do better with those who are in our lives now but in reality we probably won't . We probably couldn't if we wanted to. That's whats great about life. We think it goes on forever when it really doesn't. I think that its supposed to be like that. This is how we grow and how we take chances. Mistakes are what help us grow.
      Anyway, today is my dad's birthday and I'm thinking about how though he did not get to be old he also did not have to be really sick and debilitated for  many years at the end of his life. This was something that he did not want. So though he did not get to live to be 77, he did live the years he did live as a vibrant person. I think this is the way I would prefer to remember my dad - as a vibrant person.