our own oddities

as a kid i would sometimes get embarrassed by certain quirks of family members. when i grew up i realized that every family has their quirks even quirks that i thought were unique to my own family. that's definitely one good thing about being an adult, you realize that all families are a little odd and yet we move along with our lives as if  they don't exist.

American Girl Target of Extremist Jews in Israel

what is interesting about this whole conflict is that is religious jew against religious jew.  i appreciate that it is noted by haddassah margolese that no woman should be harrassed walking down the street no matter how she is dressed. it is very important that she mentions this. it is not just bad for hadassah and her daughter because they are religious, it is bad for this to happen to any jewish woman in israel no matter if she is religious or not.
every charedi jew in israel is not enforcing violence against those who disagree with them , its just that because they themselves arent affected by the violence they don't protest.
there is a poem that goes sort of like this that says it all
when they came for the chinese i wasn't chinese so i didn't say anything, 
when they came for the blacks, i wasnt black so i didnt say anything .
when they came for the jews i wasn't jewish so i didn't say anything. 
when they came for the greeks, i wasn't greek so i didn't say anything, 
and so on,
but when they came for me there was no one left to save me

the descendents

i saw the movie 'the descendents' with george clooney on sunday. its the story of a man whose wife was in a boating accident , is on life support and the effect it has on the family members . death can be sudden and random. it suddenly hits and forever changes the loved ones who remain alive whether they like it or not. no one assumes their new life gracefully, but we manage to survive it anyway.
'the descendents' is not so prolific, but  anyone who has  experienced an unexpected death of a loved one can relate to it. anyone who has suffered the loss of a loved one can relate to it.
it is a film worth watching even if you wait until it goes to netflix.

the language of friendship

everyone looks at things a little bit differently. the problem arises when two people think so differently it is like they are speaking different languages. this can be ok if both parties realize this . if only one party is aware this relationship is doomed .unfortunately i have had this happen to me often. i always realize that the other person just doesn't understand what i am saying or where i am coming from. often i make allowances for their lack of understanding, but eventually when i lose my patience the friendship blows up. many people think everyone must think the way they do. consideration for differences must go both ways. one party can't always pick up the slack.

Happy Chanukah from UJA Federation

i just had to post this one. these kids are too cute

The story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza

as you can see there is nothing new under the sun. unfortunately. may we all learn from the past so we are not doomed to repeat it. may the geula come sooner rather than later.
this video is a little long but it gets the point across .

peace now

i think that a lot of jews believe that v'ahavtah l'rayacha komoch means you just have to love your fellow jew that  is kamocha. or at least the charedim in beit shemesh believe this. does anyone remember why the beis hamikdash was destroyed? hmmmm i seem to remember it was due to sinas chinam amongst jews.

today we celebrate chanukah about the rededication of the beis hamikdash. g-d help us all. hopefully moshiach will come soon. we need some peace amongst our own brethren.

Segregated Buses?! - the Dry Bones Blog

this is one way of looking at the issue...Segregated Buses?! - the Dry Bones Blog

How Do You Spell Channukkahh

the value of a mitzvah.

do you think that there is value in each and every mitzvah a person does, or is it the sum total that is important?

i believe that every mitzvah a person does has value no matter how many or few.

i think that every mitzvah a person does scores "points" with the one above. some of us may do more mitzvos than others, but it does not mean that if someone does fewer mitzvos that those they perform do not count. in a way they count more because it may be more difficult for them to actually do those they actually do.

judaism is not all or nothing. the torah is broken down into 613 mitzvos instead of being just one chunk for a reason. i believe that it is because it would be too overwhelming to be tackled all in one shot . its much easier to achieve total observance bit by bit  (mitzvah by mitzvah).

Watch this.... You will definitely share this......mp4

i love this video. it displays the true meaning of mitzvah goreret mitzvah. if only we could clearly see the effects of kindness as this video does. if only people were always this kind.

"The Kung Fu Maccabees" sing Chanuka lighting

this is just the cutest chanukah video that i have seen ever. enjoy!

art is in the eye of the beholder

when i spotted this pendant at a booth in bryant park i thought that it was a menorah pendant . when i looked up the artist's website www.momoglass.com i found out that the artist calls this pendant a flower pendant. i could care less what the artist imagined this pendant. to me its a  menorah. turns out the artist is israeli and when i  stopped by the booth again i told the salesgirl in the booth that i thought to pendant looked like a menorah and she said that others had told her that before. i think that this is cool. then again  it is also cool that a jewish artist makes flower pendants that resemble menorahs even if he does not intend to.
i wore this pendant to work today and  a jewish  customer told me that she really liked my menorah necklace . i said thank you . then again , when i asked a gentile co-worker what she thought the pendant was of she told me it looked like a flower. so hey , you never know. i think that its wonderful that a menorah can look like a beautiful flower.
happy first night of chanukkah!

Chanuka, Oh Chanukah!

have an incredible chanukah!

The Jewish Museum New York | Art Exhibition | New York Jewish Film Festival 2012: Films and Times

The Jewish Museum New York | Art Exhibition | New York Jewish Film Festival 2012: Films and Times
its that time of year again. almost . the jewish film festival will be january 11-26 , 2012. there will be a lot of good films. if you don't decide to go i will review the ones that i like on this blog so you will know which will be worth catching at a later date.

weiss' bakery on ave m

the VERY best sufganiot in flatbush can be purchased at weiss' bakery on avenue m. there are 3 choices- caramel filled, custard filled or jelly filled. i'm not  a big fan of jelly donuts so i didn't try one there, but the custard filled and the caramel filled are THE best. if you are going to ingest a billion calories these donuts are the best way to go.

Pella Productions Presents - Holiday Party (Tonight Tonight)

hmm... these guys look a little older than the maccabeats. are any of them single??

on matisyahu

when i first heard of matisyahu i was intrigued. he was a chasidic reggae singer. i can't say that i followed his career much since reggae isn't my thing. i did however register hearing about his break with lubavitch and his recent  beard shaving.
on you tube i listened to matisyahu's recent interview where he speaks about his beard shaving. it was very profound. he said that when he became frum he felt he needed to immerse himself in all things religious but now he feels that things would still be cool if he shaved his beard. oh and that he still is observant. i found this profound as well as a bit uncomforting.
often when people become frum they go about it full force. sometimes this is what keeps them there. other times it spells trouble. they take on mitzvot too quickly before they are really ready and eventually its just too much all at once and then they let go of it all. this does not always happen . with some its just a personality thing. this is how they approach everything which actually is how matisyahu described himself. i think that its any one's guess what will happen. he may be just taking some time to normalize and he may still remain religious. i do not know what has perpetuated this quest of his. i don't know if something happened to make him feel this way or if it was the natural course of things that brought him to this point. it must be especially difficult to go through this stage as a public figure. i wish him well. i hope he figures things out , remains frum and becomes stronger for it.

shabbat shalom

every week i vow to get more sleep and every week it is the same. i do not get enough sleep. the weekend is almost here and  i do not have many weekend plans so my sleep debt will go down . have a good shabbos everyone. zzzz....zzzz....

gone but not really

 when someone close passes on it is upsetting because they are no longer alive. you can't speak to them anymore. you can't spend time with them anymore. oddly as final as death is what no one ever manages to tell you is that though they are no longer with us physically they are still alive and well in your thoughts. their  memory lives on in your memories. in a way they are no longer themselves as they are a part of you.
my paternal grandparents passed twenty years ago. it doesn't seem that long ago i know they are gone, but i still feel their presence.. my maternal grandmother passed away almost ten years ago. it took me a long time to get over her passing. she was such a strong force of  life. i missed her laugh and the love only a grandparent can impart. my dad passed away a year and a half ago. i don't know where the time has gone. so many memories. so much left unsaid. i have learned that even though someone has passed one still has time to re-examine one's relationship with them. though it may have been better to have done this when the person was still alive its better late than never. they still live on in your brain so you best try to sort things out.
people only pass away physically.

Honika Electronica

yeah i know. its yet another hanukkah video. this one is corny and yet ultra cute. it has that seventies chick that shows up so often in jewish satire. check it out.!

"The Shidduch Hits the Fan" - The Groggers

this video made me laugh.

The Maccabeats - Miracle - Matisyahu - Hanukkah

i like the maccabeats version  of  this song much better than the actual matisyahu video of this song. i also like the fact that women are included in the video. its also cool that mayim bialik and her two sons are featured in this video.

¡Shabbat Shalom!

this is the cutest video. i could not resist posting it! enjoy! oh, and have a great shabbos all!

the perfect purse

i have been looking for the perfect purse for the past ten years. about ten years ago the armpit purse became in style . an armpit purse is a purse with a short strap so the purse sits right under your armpit if you wear it over your shoulder. i find the idea of an armpit purse extremely impractical for new york city living. besides i like purses with long straps so i can position my purse over my shoulder and across my body. this way my purse will be secure and un-smelly.
i also do not like the purses that have a front pocket that opens into a wallet . its a great idea but often these pocket wallets have zippers that unzip on three corners which makes me fear i may lose the contents every time i open it. if i just opt not to use this feature i feel like its a waste of purse space and it must be weighing me down  so why bother?
i don't like purses that don't zip shut or have a zipper that doesn't totally zip up as is often  the case. i never quite understood this feature. why buy a purse that doesn't completely enclose my valuables ?
about two weeks ago i bought a purse that is near perfect. the shoulder strap is long enough, it does not have a built in wallet and the zipper on the main section mostly closes shut. it would be the perfect purse if the main section was slightly wider so it wasn't such a tight fit for my kindle, but the fact that my kindle fits at all is pretty cool.  this purse is also a neutral color and light weight . its leather so i don't have to worry if i forget  an umbrella. the contents of my purse will stay dry.

ili world leather makes this perfect purse. ili  has a booth at the bryant park, union square and columbus circle holiday markets in nyc.  i am in love.

Chanukah Jewish Rock of Ages - Official Hanukkah Video

and so it begins. the viral videos of the chanukah  season. this one is pretty good. the only problem that i have with these spoofs is that it makes me want to listen to the originals . the only one that i actually liked better than the originals is the maccabeats  candlelight video. i like their version better than tao cruz and mike tompkins' versions.

New York Times Rocket Into Roses

talk about making lemons into lemonade this man makes missiles into menorahs. it is truly beautiful. it takes an amazing person to even think of doing something like this. he really personifies gam zu l'tovah. .

secret admirer

often the only guy willing to approach a woman at a singles event is the nerdy guy one doesn't want to go out with. even though said woman does not have any interest in said nerd, she still must give him credit for actually having the oomph to actually approach her.
i was talking to one of the "nerdier" types recently . i hate to label him as such. he really is a nice person even though i do not know anyone i would set him up with.  anyway, he was telling me how he is still interested in my friend, but she doesn't give him the time of day. the sad part is he was so sincere that i really felt bad. it wouldn't help for me to intervene on his behalf because i know that she would not appreciate him or even appreciate hearing about his sincere interest in her.  she would just think "oy why do only the nerds show interest in me?" so i  won't bother irritating her. too bad though. its always nice to have an admirer even if its not mutual .

must drive car

among the geriatric set the most important requirement of a romantic partner is that he/she must still be able to drive a car. this of course makes me pause and think . is this what it all boils down to ?  what  does  this mean for   singles under 80 ? perhaps this means that the most important quality in a partner is if he/she can get you where you need to go. for the geriatric this means a car, for those of us who don't yet qualify for medicare this might simply mean "does this person help us get where we need to be in life?"  not so simple to answer and i wish just having a valid driver's licence would do the trick.

single gender buses

all this talk about women sitting in the back of the bus and men sitting in the front of the bus on "mehadrin" buses in  israel has made me not want to visit israel again.  after much thought i've come up with a better solution. there should be single gender buses in israel. this way no one has to be designated back of the bus status. i find it insulting to pay full fare for a bus ticket and not be able to sit anywhere i would like on a bus. if there were separate gender buses i would be much less insulted by the separation of the sexes. im not quite sure how family outings would go if there were gender separate buses, but i suspect there is not much whole family time among those who require separate seating on buses.
i don't understand the reasoning for making the women sit in the back of buses or making men and women walk on separate sides of the sidewalk. i suppose there need to be different hours of the day for men and women to shop in a grocery store or the post office. perhaps men and women should live in separate homes and children should only be conceived via artificial insemination. after birth the child should live with the mother if she is a girl and with the father if he is a boy.
 i would imagine it matters less who you marry if men and women are so separate. you cant squabble if you don't spend all that much time together.
every generation adds their own chumrahs , but this one of extreme separation of the sexes would make me go  otd  if i was part of a community that upheld such laws.
p.s. its worse than i even thought in israel. i just found this failed messiah .

about gaga

i think that the least modest holiday windows i have ever seen are the lady gaga holiday windows at barney's department store on madison avenue. even so , there were still quite a few good photo ops that were more kosher. gaga's workshop on the fifth floor is a bit more family friendly than the windows. no matter. i am including some of photos. those of the family friendly kind. most of these photos were actually taken inside of barney's on the fifth floor.

no cookies for me

now i get it. those of us who don't fit the cookie cutter mold of average are doomed to have a harder time finding a spouse. even though i get it , i do not think that it is fair. no matter. i still have to be true to myself, otherwise i won't be happy. sigh.

its the little things

what do you miss about a person when they are gone? i miss being able to ask their opinion . i miss having someone who knows me as well as they do. i miss going to the movies with them. i miss spending holidays with them. i miss their smile . i miss knowing that i have someone i can count on. no matter what.
i miss these things in those who i was close to who have moved away, drifted away or have passed away.
so many wonderful connections. so important to appreciate them in the moment, not just after they have passed.

blast from the past

visiting old haunts in my hometown is always exciting. you never know who you will run into provided you recognize them. yesterday i was sitting in one of the few kosher eateries back home and i was looking around the room for a familiar face. i realized that it is odd that i recognized so few. for a moment it dawned on me that there may be more people there that i know but i just didnt recognize them.sure enough as i was leaving an old classmate of mine approached me and said hello. i did not recognize him at all. im so glad he recognized me. its so nice to run into old friends. i wonder how many others i have run into lately that i dont recognize. now i really feel how much time has passed.

have a thankful thanksgiving

thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays because it is a secular holiday. i get to eat a big meal , get together with friends and family but not have a day of extra long davening.
i am thankful to be living in the united states of america . i pray for peace and harmony this thanksgiving . i wish everyone health and happiness as well. this isn't a perfect country, but what country is ? those of us who live here are blessed to live in a country where we are free to practise our religion  and not fear for our lives .

i blog therefore i am

some like tweeting, i like blogging. i like putting my 2 cents out there and seeing how others react to it. not necessarily others i actually have met in "real life". i like the supportive community blogs offer. blogs help me feel like i am not alone in the world. sometimes my blogger friends know me better than people who meet me in real life.many of my blogger friends know me without the distraction of externals. thanks for reading . thanks for commenting.
its important to have friends who know me in real life, but its also good share with others outside ones circles.
blogging reaches out to the world. it makes me feel like there is life outside those who i know in person and that they too share  challenges and joys of life .
sometimes the world seems so disjointed. blogging helps the world feel more connected.

burned out

i marvel at people who think that the problem with singles is that we don't want to get married. i wish that was the problem. the problem is much deeper. its hard to even get to date one. too much e-mail and phone tag. my problem is  i usually give my number to a guy on a dating website the day before i know that i will be available to speak with him. bad move. i should really give my number a few days before i know that i will have time to chat because the guys i give my number to always manage to call me at a time i am unavailable.  more times than not i dislike the possible future date's voice. i realize that this is shallow, but i admit to it. anyway, if the guy has a bad voice i drag my feet about calling him back. if only he had called when i was home/available and i would have been able to speak to him straight away. i would be able to avoid the awful voiced's phone message and be forced to talk to him before he had a chance to leave a message.
i know this is a tangent, but my other pet peeve is when a guy calls at a time when he purposely thinks i am not home so they can leave a message. i get home from work early some days of the week and i always love surprising a guy by answering the phone when the guy thinks he will be leaving a message. maybe they just want to listen to my phone voice first. who knows. perhaps frumster should have and option to record your voice on your profile.( perhaps they actually have this feature, but im too old school to have noticed)
in any event i have to call back some guy who left me a phone message several days after i was available to chat with him and i really do not fancy his phone voice.....

the secret life of the american teenager

a few weeks ago i found the show the secret life of an american teenager on netflix. for those who have never heard of  it, its a show about a fifteen year old girl who gets pregnant and keeps her baby. the parents of this girl are played by molly ringwald  formerly of the brat pack 80's movies and mark derwin formerly of  guiding light. 
mayim bialik plays the guidance counselor one season and one of the daughters from seventh heaven whose name escapes me plays the guidance counselor another season.
all i can say is that a lot has changed since i was in high school. the kids in this show aren't the "bad" kids . the girl who gets pregnant was an otherwise goodie-goodie who got pregnant from doing it one time in band camp (an ode to the american pie movies that was not lost on me) . i feel old saying this but this would never have happened back when i went to school in the yeshiva high school i went to . for one we were too frum and far too immature.even the local public high school nearby did not have pregnant or teen mothers in attendance.
i don't thing that the secret life of the american teenager makes teen parenthood seem idyllic. its just that it makes it seem like teen pregnancy is a fact of life and should be treated like a normal part of life. this  is what i find disturbing. to me childhood is sacred. a kid should be able to be a kid as long as they are not a high school graduate. the secret life of the american teenager  is not quite refuting my theory, but it saying that kids are all sleeping around, even good kids, so why fight it. this is what i find disturbing about it. having a child changes one's life. this should not be done when one is a high school student and a high school student should not be doing anything to get  into that type of situation.
yes, i am showing my age .

birthday parties

birthday parties are the singles equivalent to weddings , bar mitzvahs , siddur parties, baby naming kiddush etc.we may not have spouses or children but birthdays our ours. of course they are usually of  the forever 29th birthday variety.
birthday parties for singles are fun but also bittersweet.would we celebrate our birthdays as much if we were coupled? given the great effort singles expend hiding the exact age they are it is ironic how the birthday party remains significant to celebrate so elaborately. then again, it makes sense. to the  single the number of the birthday seems more important thus why not celebrate it?
until 120 all.

too much in common

when i was in college i had a roommate who had the same first name as i do and the same first initial of our last names. my dad passed away a year and a half ago and her dad passed away a few months ago . turns out our fathers were born the same year a day apart . is this just a coincidence? i do not know , but it does give me the chills thinking about it.

age limits

when i was younger all of the singles events had age ranges that were never upheld. there was a crew of men 60-80 who were let in even when the age range was 28-38. i was at an event once with a friend who was 35 and she saw her friend's father there. obviously he was outside of the age limit. now certain groups are very strict about age ranges not even letting someone a year or two above the age range in.
i disagree with the groups that stagger the ages of men and women. whenever they do that i know that there will only be much older men there.
in theory i understand why the powers that be are strict about age ranges, but i also know for a fact that many who are way above the age range are let in if they know the people running the event. if i really wanted to i could push the envelope and get in, but some of the organizers of these events get really rude, so i don't bother.
i wouldn't have such a problem being closed out of an event if there were equivalent events with quality singles for my age range. there are not.
if i had true emunah i would be able to say that its just not meant to be that i go to some singles events but its hard to have emunah without just feeling like i've given up.
i think that there could be a happy medium when it comes to age limits at events. its not the person five years older that you don't want attending, its the person who is 10-20 years older that you want to filter out.
yet again, i am never the right age at the right time.

Occupy Birthright Israel, Un-Occupy Palestine .. H-shem yerachem

i  had a very hard time getting through this whole video without wanting to lose my lunch. the only thing i agree with is that these young people should never live in israel. they all  live in a country where they are welcome to live as born jews. they of course missed the point of birthright israel, and i agree with them that those who sponsor the birthright trips wasted there money on these people. i think that they ought to continue occupying wall street with money their jewish parents have given them to look so well fed and so well dressed while they aren't out trying to find employment of any sort even if it is not up to their bourgeois standards.
i wonder if these young anti-birthrights actually knew anything about being an observant jew that they would still be occupying anti birthright wall street. i wonder if they really knew that tikkun olam does not mean social action would they continue to bash secular jewish social action organizations.
these young people are looking at israel through the lens of being an american jew where they are living in a christian country yet they think israel should not be a jewish state. the "palastinians" are not the equivalent of african americans. the palastinians are more equivalent to an enemy living in one's mist. mohammed abbas says as much in public. in  private i am sure he is even more militant.
i challenge all anti-birthrighters to spend a year immersed in learning about what real judaism is before they condemn the mainstream. by their militancy they show their ignorance. but i forget, the anti -birthrighters do not believe in ahavas yisroel. they haven't ever been taught the concept. they have been taught v'ahavta l'rayacha kamocha, but they don't believe that applies to fellow jews who are kamocha.
oh well. one more reason not to occupy wall street.

is 30 the the new twenty?

for the past 10  years i  have heard people say that 30 is the new twenty and 40 is the new 30 but is it really? and if this is true, should it be?
longevity is certainly a factor of the the "new" decade definitions.  when people lived shorter lives it was more important to be more serious about life sooner. with shorter life spans it was more important to have children in one's early twenties because having a child at 40 would mean one had even less time to see them grown up.
though its nice to have extended adolescence  im not sure its necessarily ideal. i think it would be nice to have a spouse and a family earlier in life so one could be more settled earlier and have longer to spend in the more "settled " stage of life.
then again, no matter how "settled" life can seem, there are always curve balls . someone who gets married young could also be divorced or widowed young.
i think that it is good that people are given a longer acceptable time to be young and unsettled these days than they did fifty years ago.it eases the pressure.
i realize that in frum society people are still expected to marry young, but i guess since i am more modern orthodox, there have always been a lot of people around who haven't married young.
as much as frum society thinks that they aren't effected by secular society they are still effected by it. this is why there are a lot of frum people who are in extended young adulthood.

shell shock

when i was growing up the only garment referred to as a shell was a sleeveless shirt with a conservative neckline  whenever i hear people referring to a clingy long sleeved shirt as a shell i get annoyed because this is not really a shell. nevertheless, recently i have purchased  a few clingy long sleeved  "shells" in jewish flatbush because they are the only shirt of its kind that is opaque even in white. i even purchased the high necklined sleeveless shells for the same reason. they are opaque. i cringe when i buy them though i admit they fulfill their purpose.

hiding out

ive been hiding out for the last week. i have gone to work and various social functions, but when i am at home i have been hiding out. i have been watching netflix marathons and have been so engrossed that i haven't been doing anything more productive like trolling dating sites for possible dates , sprucing up my resume or even crocheting or knitting projects. though i have been enjoying hibernation i also realize that it is not the best option. i usually  pride myself in not stagnating . i haven't hidden like this for years so i guess its ok to do for a little while. i just can't let it get out of hand. life is for living . tv is a great escape in moderation, but its not really living life.

gifts

i believe that some people are born with certain gifts. a gift is something someone is good at naturally that others have to work at  to achieve. ever notice how some people know what business venture to choose and are always profitable while someone else struggles with parnassah. some people have a good memory for names and faces while others can never remember them.
some men know how to speak with women and always have a girlfriend/wife regardless of wealth or lack thereof. they just have that gift. with others no amount of wealth or good looks can make up for their awkwardness. they may be able to be taught social grace, but it still would not be as fluent as someone who was born with it. others are computer buffs who could have given steve jobs a run for his money. those whithout that type of gift can still use a computer but would have never have invented the  micro chip.

i have a freakishly good memory for names and faces and for things that interest me. i am also a creative person. creativity comes easy to me . though one can be taught crafts or photography , creativity is really innate . you can learn the rules, but unless one has a propensity or gift in these areas there is no creativity.
everyone has a gift, the challenge is to be able to appreciate it no matter how great or small it is and to make use of it to maximize one's potential.

toys are us

i went to toys are us  in times square today. it was a lot of fun looking at all of the toys and riding the ferris wheel. i like toys are us almost as much as i like dylan's candy bar. i do like dylan's the best because candy always trumps toys.
for today's adventure i was joined by a friend and her daughter,  but i have visited toys are us child-free, just not today.
for those who may not have visited toys are us in times square, its a huge store. it kind of reminds me of a mall. when i was a kid in the midwest i would always hang out at the mall. the mall was kind of like a mini city unto its self. fun was everywhere. i miss the suburban malls of my youth. i have to go to toys are us in times square more often.

ows

recently i read in metro ny or am ny  that occupy wall street has people giving out free food to the "protesters" in zuccoti park , however they aren't so happy that the homeless have gotten word of this. the protesters are now going to scale back on the quality of their free food because the homeless have been consuming so much of their free food. something about this does not sit right with me. i'm not quite sure why....

sleep

i normally do not have nightmares. last night was a harrowing exception. though i haven't been obsessing about 9/11 lately i managed to have a terrorism nightmare. the scene of the nightmare was union square. several planes landed in union square while elsewhere in manhattan there were beheadings. this nightmare seemed too real. i woke up from the nightmare to find myself silently screaming. it was so-ooo--ooo unsettling. i turned the light on in my room for a little bit and after waking .
it was definitely one of those dreams you would not wish to come true.

goodbyes

apartment buildings have small apartments  that one rents but does not own thus they are conducive to people living there for short time periods and then moving out. one of my neighbors who has lived in my apartment building six months less than the amount of time i have lived here is moving out. eight years is a long time to be neighbors. it will be sad to see them go. they do have four kids now so it is about time that they should be moving to a house. no matter . they will be missed. not only are they moving to a house, they are moving to baltimore. now i will have people to visit in baltimore. its bittersweet. i am happy for them, but i am sad as well. i am sad for me. when people move things change. if they had just moved to a house in brooklyn it would have been a big change, but i would have still seen them periodically. moving to a different state is different. im not friendly enough with them to call them and chat from time to time so unless i happen to have reason to go to baltimore i probably won't be in touch. this is life. this is the way it is supposed to be. its so important to appreciate friends and neighbors  when they live  nearby.  this is just a goodbye for now  not a goodbye forever even though it kind of seems more like a goodbye forever.

acts of g-d

when the earthquake hit japan last year a friend of mine immediately said that she thought it was 'min hashamayim' which of course it was, but tell me what grievous sin did japan do to deserve this? some imbeciles tried to cook up reasons like it was because of the yeshiva bachurim who were caught with drugs, but really why an earthquake?  why not an earthquake in germany or perhaps egypt or iraq? more evil has been meted out against innocents elsewhere, so tell me why is this justice? i'm still not sure why the tsunami occurred in thailand or hurricane katrina in new orleans. dont' tell me any lame excuses these faux nevi'im or our times have cooked up.
i think now would be a good time for a an earthquake in gaza. then people would finally understand why the israeli government made the jewish settlers leave their homes there. a tsunami where the recently freed terrorists are celebrating their release in exchange for gilad shalit would be nice right about now. if that would happen i would gladly accept the hokey reasons "why" hurricane katrina, the earthquake in japan and the tsunami in thailand happened. until then i do not want to hear  such stupidity. if an earthquake hit where abbas sat and swallowed him and his henchman up i would call that clear divine justice. if as soon as the terrorists were released the earth below them swallowed them up like korach i would say justice has been served.
i am waiting for an act of g-d to make things right in israel, because that is the only way there will be peace.  so bring it on. we are ready.

gilad shalit

today gilad shalit was returned to israel in exchange for way too many terrorists. to me this shows that one jewish soul is worth so much to another jew that they would be willing to go to such lengths to save another jew. i agree that politically this may or may  not have been the best way to release him from captivity, but that's for someone else's post. i for one think its amazing that he is still alive . i was not so sure that he was. the fact that the israelis would free so many terrorists in exchange did make me think that the israelis believed he was still alive. no matter what, i  believe that his return to israel is a cause for great celebration especially since this has happened during sukkos.

occupy a sukkah

im getting sick of hearing about this occupy wall street stuff. it seems everyone in the crowd has an ipod, iphone , ipad and various other electronics that i do not possess. which also begs the following question. are they giving them out? where can i sign up? is un-employment that generous these days? i actually have a job, but it looks like instead of  'let them eat cake' , let them beam technology is the rant of the day.
anyhow, they would  all do better occupying a sukkah , preferably away from wall street, maybe somewhere in the desert for forty years and collect mun. .... oh wait, there isn't wifi in the desert.

chol hamoed

i haven't been at work since before yom tov. its always fun coming back to work on chol hamoed and getting surprised with all of the new changes at work.sometimes in the space of a few days people can quit or get fired and new employees hired. sometimes new policies are put in effect that i eventually find out about because everyone forgets i wasn't told about them because i was out when they were put in effect.
the best part about going back to work after yom tov is going to work  feeling well rested and not being able to remember what transpired the last day i had been at work.

sukkot greetings

have an incredible sukkot . the east coast forecasters  have been forecasting rain, but i wouldn't take them too seriously . for about three weeks after hurricane irene the forecast was rain and it did not rain EVERY day for those three weeks. so-o-o-o we shall see.
sukkot always is at the time of year when you could be wearing sandals or down jackets. it is so unpredictable. im just glad im going to be home for the holiday so i don't have to pack two wardrobes for yom tov.
i usually go away for rosh hashannah and yom kippur, so when sukkot rolls around, i like to stay at home and chill.


p.s - the pictures posted on this post were taken last year in union square during the sukkah city competition.

for better or worse

do some people live charmed lives while others have bad luck? is life a challenge for everyone that no one escapes? i  think that some people have it easier than others . its not that everyone does not have their own difficulties, but some people have bigger tests than others do.
people always try to tell me that people who have managed to get married and have kids have it bad too whenever i feel bad about my lot in life. now come on, im not an idiot. happily  married life has its challenges as well as parenthood, but i wouldn't say that not having either is having a better life or an equally bad life.
what about people  who have horrible diseases? i don't think that's an easier life  than someone who is healthy and  single or healthy and married with children.
perhaps small challenges seem large to the weak, but a small misfortune is not equal to a large misfortune even if one might be able to handle it.
i reconcile the fact that some have easier lives than others to the fact that life is not fair and that we don't understand why some have easier lives than others. hashem has a reason why this happens, but we don't  know why.

yonah

one only has to read the story of yonah to realize that we jews today are the same people as we were in biblical times. who but a jewish prophet would try to hide from hashem when the master of the universe  wants him to get the non-jewish city to repent all because he didn't want to make the jewish people look bad? who else would  have the chutzpah to do this all in the name of ahavas yisroel? only a jewish person would do this. then again, a lot of jews would be looking out for the people of ninveh it would be modern times and they would denigrate their own people for not being able to do t'shuvah. then again perhaps this was the point of the story of yonah. it shows us that there was a time when jews stood up for fellow jews and were protective of our brethren even when we aren't perfect .  then again it also shows that hashem loves all people(for example ninveh) so modern jews who look out for the good of the world and social justice are not wrong either. hashem needed yonah to tell the city of ninveh to repent so they would not be destroyed independent of how it might make the jewish people appear.

jew , not a jew

    i saw this clip posted    on frum satire and i just had to write my own post about it. as a frum  person i have always known that though ben stiller is billed as a jewish actor he is not. in this monologue i have heard the best rendition of what a child from a mixed marriage is. stiller says that his dad is jewish and his mother is irish catholic. the torah says he is not jewish but the mirror says he is. another person who could say the same monologue is sarah jessica parker. the mirror says she is jewish but her mother isnt. adam hebrew hammer goldberg and kevin kline are also have jewish fathers. that must be the most difficult. you look jewish, and have a  jewish last name. everyone thinks you are jewish but you really arent. i guess you either pretend you are jewish or i don't know what.
there of course is always the opposite- those who are jewish but no one thinks is. kyra sedgwick's mother is jewish but her dad isn't. rain pryor's mom is jewish but her dad , richard pryor was not. lisa cosby show bonet is jewish because her mom is . rashida jones is jewish  because her mom peggy lipton is, but then again she actually looks jewish.
all i need is adam sandler to turn this post into a song.

holidays and families

holidays always make me think about family and that i actually have a mother and siblings who love me. when you live far away from your family you forget that there actually people out there that really care about you. i have friends and yes they are like family, but they are the family a person earns. parents and siblings are the family you have because you were born into them and they care for you anyway. they are the people who have known you most of your life and their lives. its hard to be away from them because there really isn't anyone who can replace them.  its important to love and appreciate them and remember that  they are rooting for you even when they aren't physically near.

post yom kippur thoughts

i  don't enjoy fasting, but other than that i don't really mind yom kippur. i always use an english-hebrew machzor and read the translation every so often. the prayers are really quite beautiful. i actually enjoy it more than rosh hashanah.
musaf today ended ant 3:10 and we had an almost two hour break. it was great. we even ended neilah five minutes early.
this was the first time in years that i was able to stand for all of neilah. i think this was due to the lovely fall weather .
this yom kippur as usual there has to be  a spoiler to an  idyllic holiday. the shul i attended today has benches. during minchah, a woman wanted to sit in the bench i was sitting at. i moved over so she could squeeze by, but instead she decided to sit in the two inch space between me and the end of the bench and half on me. i wanted to scream at her for being so obnoxious,  but  it was yom kippur, so i did not.  i moved instead.  i didnt want to let her ruin my yom kippur.
anyway, im glad to have made in through yom kippur and am looking forward to a peaceful sukkot and simchat torah.

my most favorite dessert

i know that i'm doing weight watchers right now and i don't want to be a bad influence on anyone who is trying to stay fit, but i must hawk this product. trader joe's had THE most delicious seasonal ice cream in its freezer today, namely pumpkin ice cream. it tastes like pumpkin pie without the crust. it is the kind of indulgence that is worth every calorie. oh, and a 1/2 cup serving is only 6 point plus.

on answering back

there is nothing like a new year to push one to rejoining frumster as a paying member , that and a reduced monthly membership rate. so i renew my membership, after all i had 4 messages waiting for me. two out of four were ok so i responded to the two good ones. to  the two ng (no good) ones i sent the prepared rejection letter. one of them was the one in diapers from a few weeks ago so i after i sent him the rejection letter i immediately blocked him. the other ng guy sent me a note back . already that was a bad sign. only losers try to continue dialogue after the rejection letter. against my better judgement and  general mental health, i read the note instead of just deleting it. sour grapes said that after reading my rejection letter he realized he sent the contact letter to me by accident because now he realizes we have nothing in common and he must have meant to contact someone else when he sent me a message. what a prince. i promptly blocked him. too bad i sent him the prepared rejection notice . i should have left well enough alone . now i remember why i had cancelled my frumster membership a few months ago.

new years resolutions....

i'd like to start this new year on the right foot by going to sleep at eleven o'clock. it will indeed be a challenge. i am going to wind down for the next hour so i will be able to reach  my goal. wish me luck. layla tov!

tashlich

i have always loved tashlich. i have always liked the idea of throwing my averos into the water . i especially  like being in nature and near the water . when i was growing up there was a lake near my  shul where we would do tashlich. as a kid it was especially fun because there were a lot of ducks  near that lake.
in brooklyn they tend to get a bit too creative for my taste when it comes to tashlich. they will fill  a water fountain and add fish and say you can say tashlich there. fortunately this year i was able to have a real tashlich . i walked to prospect park and said tashlich at a lake there. there were ducks and swans there. a lot of people trying to have a more meaningful tashlich were there as well.

jewish new years greetings

wishing everyone a sweet new year filled with health and happiness and everything good. may we have the strength to daven well and the willpower not to overdo it on the sweets. ok , that last one was directed at me. fortunate for me i like honey but not honey cake ,so the sweets won't be as difficult to resist. looking forward to catching up with all of you next year.

the holiday meltdown

tishrei is the jewish holiday season. when you are single or don't have everything required for a family oriented holiday season the blues can sometimes take over. sometimes the mantra 'well at least i have my health ' isn't sufficient to keep one smiling (though it should be).
if you are waiting for that black swan to appear and change everything in your life and well it doesn't  appear well then we are in the same boat. but this is what i do when the melancholy blues try to take over..... i review this mantra.... life is not fair. it doesn't matter how good you are or how frum you are. life does not always turn out the way you would like it to. it does not mean that one should not be frum since things will not be perfect for you even if you always do the right thing. it just means that we do not understand why things happen  the way they do. things may get better. thing may get worse. its best to focus on the good one has instead of just one what what lacks.
shanah tovah!

down and out

unfortunately i know a lot of people who are going through tough times that have nothing to do with the economy. life has always been tough for these folk and 2011 is no different. people who are down and out tend to be focused inward and they don't give much thought to how they treat others because their woes are so many. i pity them but since im not a licensed professional i find it hard to be around them . i also fear that their melancholy is the type that can bring others down with them. i pity them but not enough to be brought down by their insanity.

all partied out

i like attending parties, i  do not enjoy hosting parties. over the years it has gotten a lot tougher to make a party. or shall we say its gotten a lot tougher for ME to make a party. just thinking about a guest list is exhausting. there is who i want to invite and then there are those i "should" invite for various reasons but don't especially want to invite. after mulling  it over i usually  opt not to make a party.  and so the cycle continues. on the other hand i would not mind helping someone else make a party. i love  bringing a dish or several to help someone else out. i don't even mind bringing the main dish.  i just don't want to get the credit of having called the party my idea. too much pressure.
fortunately i have a tiny apartment so most of the time its a moot point that i don't want to host anything here. after all , my pad is too small. ( oh well!). how convenient.
sometimes i bypass the whole party issue by just inviting one person over for a meal. then if someone else gets wind of it i just say that i only invited one person , no biggie.
its just as well. when someone hosts lots of parties after awhile one starts to wonder if people really like hanging with them or are they so beloved because they host lots of parties.

The Maccabeats - Book of Good Life

they have done it again. its another cutsie parody from the maccabeats and i love it. i also love how its frum but they don't hide the women. there is actually a scene with a couple and they show the women's section in shul .
shanah tovah

the new year

i am so looking forward to the jewish  new year of 5772. i love the idea of new beginnings. if there was a new year every four months or so it would be perfect so long as i didn't get a year older every four months. a birthday every twelve months is my limit.
5771 has been a tough one . for most of the year i was in avaylus (mourning) for  my father and the rest of the year has been exhausting in my working and social life.
anticipation is often more fun than reality. this is why i am actively anticipating the new year. then again having something to look forward to makes the world a little sweeter.
looking forward to a happy new year for one and all.

itching to crochet

i've been crocheting up a storm lately. i recently made a poncho some hats and several scarves. some were gifts but it is still is making me wonder if its a sign. am i crocheting winter apparel because it is going to be a cold winter or am i just really bored?  hmm. i guess we will find out soon.  fall is here.  winter is not far off....

vintage again

there were vintage trains on the 2/3 line today from times square to 96th street. it was in honor of an hbo show boardwalk empire that is set in the 1920s that is premiering on september 25th. i think there will be vintage subways on the 2/3 line next weekend too. it wasn't as much fun as the vintage trains in december, but it was still cool. the diesel smell on the old trains  makes you thankful for the modern trains.

too cool for school

i never was one who cared whether or not i was part of the "in" crowd. as an adult i care even less. this is the great  part of being an adult. one doesn't even feel like one has to be part of the "in" crowd. the problem is that so many i have met lately are still in that zone that cares about being "cool and popular" all of those in this zone are single. i would also like to say that this is probably why they are single. once one reaches the other side of 35 and one is single how "cool " are you anyway? if you are a guy you may be  a confirmed player ( no this is not a good thing ) and if you are a woman might be considered an "old maid" (never cool).  to distract others from the obvious they play the snob card. but again, who cares? which is my point. not caring what the clique-ish think is the best part of being an adult. snobbery works both ways. it is only powerful if you let it be. if you don't let it bother you it fails to have any effect. of course this is something i knew as a teenager. how "cool " is that?

losing and gaining

ive been doing this round of weight watchers for 16 weeks. for 8 weeks i lost weight and for 8 weeks i gained weight or stayed the same. in total i have lost 6 pounds, so im still better off than i was 16 weeks ago. i could have gained 6 pounds above my starting weight and then i would have been twelve pounds above the weight i am today. now i feel a whole lot better....lol.

nice is out

whenever i hear a man tell a woeful tale about some woman who done him wrong all i am thinking is a big SO WHAT. and THIS is why. usually said guy has a great big chip on his shoulders after this and treats the next girl  not so nice even if she is a nice girl. so they will never get a nice girl. they really like the b&^*ches better anyway. they would prefer to be treated badly by the b*&*&ches so they can justify being mean to the nice girls. when you are nice you are always out of luck. maybe i should try being meaner. maybe then i would find  a nice guy to  marry me.

9/10/01

on the evening of 9/10/01 it rained cats and dogs. i was very peeved at the time because i had needed to restock my refrigerator, but couldn't due to the torrential rain that night. another thing i will never forget about that night was my subway ride home. it is something i had never seen before or ever  again. one of the poles that people hold on to spontaneously fell . at the time no one was holding on to it. one man picked up the fallen pole and claimed it as his own . he took it home with him as a souvenir.
9/11/01 was a bright and shining day especially compared to the day that had proceeded it. this made the tragedy of the day make people feel even more off balance. as if it that could be possible.

p.s. i realize that this is a photo of a subway car that is very old and was not in service 9/11/01 but its   cool and i used it anyway.

inspired by 9/11/01

being a technophobe i am always the last to get the new technology bandwagon. when cellphones were new i kept putting off getting one because i didn't want to be that accessible . after 9/11 it all changed. the idea of having a cellphone made me feel safer so i got one. when i went to the store it became obvious to me that a lot of people were buying cellphones as a result of 9/11. in his sales pitch the clerk who helped me remarked how it really helps to have a cellphone when one is running from a burning building. even at the time i found that  remark over the top. then again, it was no worse than when the train conductor would say that due to the"incident" at the world trade center all q trains were running local.

Dip Your Apple - Fountainheads Rosh Hashanah

rosh hashanah..its closer than you think!! this is an upbeat song to get you in the spirit.

9/11 ....the reading of the names

every year at the site of the world trade center they read the names of those who lost their lives  9/11/2001. this year is no different. it is  broadcast on television . family members of the fallen are reading the names as i am writing this. it is hard not to shed a tear when one realizes how long it is taking them to read those names. parents, spouses , children , brothers , sisters,aunts, uncles and cousins were lost. when a fourteen year old girl read her father's name and said that this was by his "peanut girl" one realizes how long ten years is . there will be a day not too far off when the children who were born to 9/11 widows within the year after 9/11 will be old enough to read their fathers names. the most heart wrenching is listening to the parents who lost children on 9/11. how can anything be the same for them?
to all those who were lost on 9/11/01 may they rest in peace. may those who had loved ones who perished that day may they have peace.

9/11/11

where has the time gone? the events of 9/11/01 are as clear to me now as they were ten years ago.  on  the morning of  9/11/01 i was at work when two planes flew into  manhattan and destroyed the world trade center. i was at work when another plane hit the pentagon and yet another plane went down in pennsylvania. everyone at work crowded around a vintage 1976 tv and watched in disbelief as the first tower fell and then then the  second. though by the time i was watching it both planes had hit the trade center,  it barely registered that there were actually two planes  even though i later realized that i had watched the instant replay of both planes hitting the trade center.
i know several people who escaped the world trade center that day. they were the lucky ones.
i stared in disbelief as i saw the photos of thousands displayed all over manhattan looking for the "missing" people. they most certainly are missed but they are  not alive either.
for days after 9/11 there were sirens. for at least a week after you could still see the smoke as the world trade center continued to burn. for weeks there were war planes overhead in all of the five boroughs of new york city.
i lost three pounds on 9/11/01. i couldn't eat for weeks. whenever i put food in my mouth it tasted like sawdust. the world as we knew it was forever changed.
it wasn't until november that i was mentally able to see the destruction at the world trade center site. even then there were throngs of people gathered to  view the devastation.there were signs beseeching onlookers not to take photos of the destruction. no one heeded that request. i took pictures, but the truth was that by then it was just a big pit. not much else was left, beside the stench.
i took pictures of the "missing" people. i took pictures of the shrines  individuals erected in union square in memory of those who were murdered. i found out from photos of the "missing" that i  knew a few people who had siblings that died in the world trade center.
it was hard to endure those frummies who were happy this event happened to the united states because they thought that this would make the united states understand israel better. what fools. all events of terror are horrible. and actually the destruction of the world trade center does ellipse many other acts of terror because of how many people were murdered. the zealous fools would say that because israel has less people that proportionally that its the same but i don't agree. a life is a life and 3,000 were lost at the world trade center at one pop. i don't advocate comparing tragedies in any event. acts of terror are acts of terror. no need to compare.
i pray for peace. i pray that 9/11 will remain the only terror act of its kind in the united states. peace and love forever.

airport pat downs

when given the choice i would choose a body scan over a pat down at the airport any day. when i flew out of new york last week i went through the body scanner. when i left the midwest on monday i was given a pat down and i got the feeling that it was only because i was wearing  a skirt.  when the airport security woman  saw me she decided to do a pat down which was only on my  legs. i briefly googled how to avoid an airport pat down and one of the things listed was for women to wear pants , not a skirt at the airport. i do not wear pants, but i do not want to get singled out for a pat down at the airport every time i go through security only because i am wearing a skirt.i think that this is discrimination.

house vs apartment

i consider my apartment my home, but deep down i feel a real home is  a house. i suppose this is because i grew up in a house .
i visited my mom this past weekend. she lives in the house i grew up in. i spent most of  the weekend indoors because it was oppressively hot outside. i did not have cabin fever . i usually get cabin fever when i spend too many consecutive hours in my apartment. perhaps this is because i live alone. perhaps not.  when i lived in a basement apartment i really enjoyed the fact that i was living in a house. you just opened the door and you were outside.(after climbing a few stairs ) . there was a certain freedom to house living. in an apartment building i dread the elevator chitchat  especially after a long day at work. i need a little time to unwind before socializing. then again i don't mind chitchat with the right person, but in an apartment building there are many i'd rather just nod and smile at than chat with. especially when its late and i have spent the entire day talking.
a house feels like a personal city. an apartment feels like a time share in a city.
im not moving to a house any time soon, but someday i would like to.

fall into new beginnings

i suppose spring is when new flowers bloom but for me fall has always been the season of new beginnings. perhaps it is because rosh hashanah is in the fall and fall begins not long after my birthday. my birthday signafies the beginning of my personal new year.perhaps the crisp chill in the air makes new beginnings seem possible. though i am writing this from my air conditioned abode i know that fall is on the way. bring it on.

old pictures

when i look at old family photos i imagine what it would be like to jump into the pictures and relive those captured moments. i imagine the love i would feel immersed with long gone relatives. as much as i wish i could jump back into those moments  i also know that once loved ones have passed on they continue living within you and within your memories. its hard to explain if you have never experienced it. for better or for worse i have. they have left this earth. or so you think. there essense continues to live via what you have learned from them and what you remember of them.

happy birthday to me

its that time again. birthday time. well first i will say that its great  to be alive . life is such a gift.  though i may spend a lot of time complaining  i am very grateful for good friends and family who keep me sane. its been a good year although it could have been  better. i still have not accomplished all i would like to .then again who has?
l'chaim to all for a great year full of health, happiness and blogging.

the goldbergs

the goldbergs is a 1950's sitcom about a jewish family who live in the bronx. i  did not hear of this show until the 1990's . since i have discovered the goldbergs   i have viewed many episodes at the jewish museum and the museum of television and radio both in nyc. netflix has the last season of the show when they move to the suburbs.
short of buying the the ultimate goldbergs  full sereis collection one can now view many episodes of the goldbergs on amazon.com . you can buy an episode at a time or buy amazon prime membership to view it online. i must tell you that viewing these shows is the ultimate. they can be a bit corny at times but hearing gertrude berg (mrs. goldberg) talk about her cousin chana leah or her tante elke is so much fun. to think that the shenanigans of a jewish family who act so ethnic could have been on network television is amazing.
i just viewed my new favorite goldbergs  episode. it is episode 7 of season 1 which is about cousin chana leah who is very frustrated by her single daughter and thinks that all of the problems in her life would be solved if her single daughter married. because this series was filmed in the 1950's it is  far from pc  which i found extremely hilarious due to the current shidduch crisis. this episode is so funny and reminds me very much of present day frum jews.

hurricane hoopla

i have  just endured the hurricane hoopla 2011 on the east coast of the united states. except for the fact i have an extreme case of cabin fever i am glad it happened mostly shabbos and saturday night because i didn't have to listen to all of the drama on the news, not that i listened to too much of it last night either.
of course now its bright and sunny and a little bit windy out where i live right now since the "hurricane" has passed.
tell me why is it that i get to be imprisoned at work all week and when i finally catch a break and on the weekend  there is extremely stormy weather or even worse a hurricane? i mean really ,all i want to do is enjoy my free time , get together with friends and do my errands. im not asking for much.

Hurricane-Soulfarm

with all of the hurricane hype these past few days i decided to share my favorite hurricane song with you . (bet you didn't think i had a favorite hurricane song). presenting the song "hurricane" by soul farm. the performance is excellent. please bear with the beginning when they talk too much. the song that follows is amazing.

is change possible?

can people change?  if someone other than myself is the subject of this sentence the answer would have to be no . don't expect others to change because they probably will not. the only person one  can  change is ones self and even that is debatable. i can change my actions but i cannot change my inner self. even if i reach my goal weight and never gain back the lost weight i will always be someone who has to pay attention to what i put in my mouth . i guess its the same concept as people who are members of alcoholics anonymous. members always call themselves alcoholics even if they have been sober for decades.  someone who might have eradicated an explosive temper is still a volatile personality  they just have chosen to temper that part of their persona.

people get very caught up in controlling one's style of dress  and not as much the state of ben adam l'chavero. externals are easier to change. internal behavior is not.

even if you think people are capable of changing i would not depend on it. accept  them for who they are or move on. do not hold your breath. if its hard to control ones own behavior  imagine how hear it is to change someone else's behavior.

im not suggesting that one should never stand up for one's self in the face of others who do not think as perfectly as you do, but realize because they are not you they may never see things or do things the way you do. this is ok. find people whose essence you like and build from that . behaviors might change , but essence does not. 

Is a Jewish Convert obligated to reveal their status? (September 2008)

   i found this link on aliza hausman's website www.alizahausman.net . its very interesting. when you are born jewish you always wonder why someone born not a member of the tribe would want to be one . chaviva galatz discusses a little of the why and mostly the just wanting to blend in with everyone else part because once you are jewish that is what you are.

perverse eating habits

have you ever had desert at shabbos lunch and felt that the hostess enjoyed watching you eat the dessert more than you enjoyed actually eating the dessert? usually the hostess is a size two and is eating two bites of some gross looking diet dessert  as she is forcing everyone else at the table to eat whatever cake / cookie/ mousse/ pareve ice cream that she has served. it goes beyond the stereotypical jewish mother syndrome. these women have forbidden themselves to eat sweets so they feel that by watching someone else eat decadently they will vicariously be eating the sweets. its kind of like if there is some delicious looking treif treat at work  and you watch someone else enjoy it because you can't, except its worse because these women could really eat these desserts they just won't because by eating desert they will risk a fate worse than death . they risk becoming a size four.
i of course can't stand this type of food pusher because they make me feel like they think im fat so they want to make sure i have dessert but of course they are so skinny  they don't need dessert. if they didn't enjoy watching everyone at the table eat the dessert i might actually believe them.

why now ?

my friend's aunt and uncle are getting divorced after 36 years of marriage. it doesn't surprise me that this can happen.. perhaps it hadn't been right between the two of them for awhile and now finally they are ending it. it can be hard to break away from the familiar even if the familiar should be broken away from.
i myself have been at a job for a long time. it was a very good job for a long time, but now it is not. it takes a lot to remove ones self from one's comfort zone even if one knows it is the right thing to do. i realize that leaving a job is still different than leaving a marriage, but the similarity is that leaving something one has been committed to a for a long time can be difficult.

revenge of the nerds

whenever a nerdy or loser guy that roams ocean parkway gets engaged i am truly happy - perhaps more for myself than for him. it means that another nerd is off the market and won't be bothering me anymore. relief at last . oh and the side effect is that he is happily engaged to someone. its win-win.

frumster messages

 i just checked my e-mail and i noticed that i had a message from frumster. nothing like getting one's hope's dashed. i got a message  from someone 15 years my junior. i really ought to report all the sleazoids who do this.its not like they met me in person and didn't know my age, they see that my age is 15 years older than theirs and they contact me anyway. no they are not looking for a meaningful relationship. not with me anyway.

the thing i absolutely love about these bozos is that  when i look at their profiles i realize that if i was really in their age range i would think that they were good guys. this is what is so upsetting. its not like someone younger is going to know which one of these frumster guys are on the prowl for "lonely"  older women. 

the other upsetting part is that these young fools look good compared to the men 15-20 years older than me who sometimes contact me. i guess im just out of luck.

change

change is a part of life. we are born babies. we grow into children. we become adults. people who are close to us move away. loved ones get old and die. we go to kindergarten, high school and perhaps college . we change jobs . even the seasons change. change can be fun , like when you visit a new country , meet a new friend, move to a new house. but it is still change . change can be scary to those of us who like things to stay just the way they are now that we have gotten used to the way things are. sometimes it seems that there is  too much change and no time to just smell the roses. but then again even roses change. they blossom and then they wilt.